Adoption is not for sissies. Adoption isnt the way you get your perfect child, perfect family. Adoption isnt for the parents who want glorious easy beautiful children who come to them with no issues.
Even if you adopt a newborn or an infant or a non special needs from an orphanage. Let me tell you there is no such thing as non special needs from an international orphanage!
Adoption is hard work.
Adoption is dying to self.
Adoption is delayed gratification.
Let me tell you about my adoptions. I fell madly in love with the idea of my kids. After all in my head there is no sound haha. I was going to bring home this beautiful little gift of God and life would be beautiful. We are in Texas visiting him and he is just more than I could have ever imagined. He is perfect. He is gorgeous! He is so tiny! He smiles. Be still my heart I am in love. We continue to visit daily until it is Gotcha Day. He is handed to me and I never have to give him back. I am overjoyed.
Next day: He refuses to take the bottle. He hates me! He knows I'm not mom. Why cant I feed him? What is wrong with me? Paul has no issues. Paul feeds him and I play. Just me, Paul and our new bundle of joy.
We fly home.
Real life begins!
2 in diapers. 3 to homeschool. Paul returns to work. OMGSH what was I thinking! Doctors visits begin. 5 kids in small doctors offices that couldnt be further from kid friendly. Still refuses to eat from me. Why Why wont he eat? He hates me! He doesnt care if I am here or not. Four appointments a week for him. Months and months of this.
Gtube surgery. 7 day hospital stay. I stay all 7 days by his side never leaving. Learning how to care for a baby that has tubes coming out of him. Gagging when I touch the button, stomach pain and fear someone will trip over the tubes and yank the tube out. I will die if this happens! I cant do this!
4 days a week drs appointments. 5 days a week therapy. A minimum of one hospital stay a month. Tube feeds, mixing formula, changing bags, disconnecting ferral values, getting stomach crap all over me because I once again forgot to clamp one tube shut before I open another. I cant do this!
Surgeries, hospital stays, drs, therapy, 5 kids. Overwhelming. But somewhere in there, and not for at least the first 6 months, I fell madly in love with him and he was mine. I was bonded. He was bonded. We were mother and child. It was worth it. I found my voice and I stood up for him. I prayed for him. I cried over him when things looked bleak. I fought for him. I feared no one. I would die before I let anyone hurt him. Our love is fierce. I wouldnt change it for the world.
Adoption is hard.
Adoption is denying yourself and taking up your cross.
God calls again.
Yes God. I want him. I dont care how hard it will be I want him. I can do it. I can.
We fight for Micah for a long time.
God gives us Micah.
Micah comes home. He smells bad. I cant understand him. He shoves food in his mouth and steals everyone elses food. He bites. He acts out in ways that I don't want to bring into my home nor deal with. Why did I ask for him? God help! I can't do this!
6 kids, 4 homeschooling, dealing with public school, ARDs, IEPs, doctors appointments, adoption paperwork and findraising for the 2 God called us to before we thought we would get Micah.
Adoption is hard.
But God is bigger. He will help when we humble ourselves and ask. I didnt bond to either of my boys right away. You may not either. That is normal. You may choose a child with no special needs who is barely a toddler from an international orphanage and when you get the child home they have FAS or orphanage behavior. They may have RAD or not show you emotion until a year after being home.
You may choose a child with one special need and they come home with 5 other things.
Adoption is unpredictable.
I don't say this to discourage you. I say this to encourage you. If you are reading this and having a tough time with a newly adopted child please know you are not alone. Its not abnormal and there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes we don't talk about it, but we should. We don't want to hear "well you chose this!" or see the judgmental stares. You wont get that here.
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3: 23
Be blessed
There need to be more honest posts like this one. I wish people would stop going into adoption envisioning what they want their child's life to look like, and instead just be willing to accept whatever it DOES look like and love them no matter what. I see some adoptive parents talk about their children like 'projects'... something they have to 'fix'. And I am not talking about being frustated by the child's real problems (need for surgery, etc)... but that in order for that child to be the child they want, they have to change something about him/her. No. Please no. Love your children for who they are. So sad :(
ReplyDeleteThanks for being honest and helping prep those in preparation for adoption, like me:)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written dear friend. Your faith and strength amaze me. Write that book. I already gave you the title :-).
ReplyDeleteThis was just an excellent heartfelt post. Going into international adoption of two older children, I have high hopes but also know there's going to be times I question myself. I just may write you for a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for your honesty.
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