This morning I got an email from Gladney. It caught me off guard and happy tears were shed. Its nothing hugely important just a website that shows we are in this process and moving along. That coupled with a friend seeing our file on the desk of a worker at Gladney just makes me realize this is real. Very real. We are getting ready to go again. This amazingly beautiful hard life altering journey is on its way. And God willing we will be blessed again with an extra special little boy.
Thank you God. Thank you for the life that I had that brought me to this place where I have a heart for what breaks Yours. Thank you for allowing me to see really see that All things Do work together for good. I pray You would keep our children all of them safe and warm and let them know truly how much they are loved. In Jesus name Amen
Be blessed
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Always the first thing to go.
Today was a crap day. I got out of bed at 3am after tossing and turning all night. I could barely breath without being in pain. I wrote a note, found my keys and thinking somehow I broke a rib I headed to the ER.
After hours in the ER being in severe pain and not being allowed anything, because I drove myself, I was released. I have bronchitis, a UTI and a uterine fibroid. WOW! When I got home Paul had just woken up and didnt see my note. I surprisingly wasnt sleepy more exhausted but I decided to do what any sane person would do in that much pain...I went to the gym for spin class.
Well the pain got the best of me and 30 mins in I needed to get out of there. I headed to the pharmacy to fill the Rx I got. By this time I was barely standing and starting to get irritable. That could have been though because a woman backed her car into me almost hitting me. Seriously she was about an inch from my ribs. She wouldnt stop! Ugh! I got the meds and a peach and went home.
I needed sleep. So I took the pills laid down and tried to sleep. It was useless. 5 kids, a husband and therapists all coming in there was no sleep for me. I got up and started going through the adoption papers. I got everything in order and got them ready for Gladney. We got in the car and headed to Gladney. Everything was great. The papers were getting dropped off, pictures were getting dropped off and we were headed to vacation Friday morning.
I got to Gladney and got to talk to our friend and CW Holly. We had brought her some of our homemade pumpkin butter. I gave her the CDs she gave me a book we talked and laughed and then it was off to see Nancy our friend before heading to church. Got everyone in the car still laughing and feeling good and it wouldnt work.
If you are new to the adoption scene this may surprise you. Those of you who have been there done that know the car is the first thing satan hits when you start an adoption.
The car dealer was of no help and just got us angry. We found through our friend Nancy a place called Christian Brothers. Even though the warrenty would cover the cost taking it to the dealer we chose to take it there. Praying it was the right choice.
Our vacation may have to be canceled. I am so upset. I was really looking forward to it. We as a family really needed that time. I am exhausted and beaten up. Satan thought he would mess with us, it was more than obvious. I went to the bathroom stood my ground and said "satan we will continue on this journey. Breaking our car will not make us stop following God's will in our life. Not going on vacation will not stop us from adopting a child. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! I took a deep breath and I walked out. I meant every word too. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away and still I say blessed be the name of the Lord.
Praying it all works out.
Be blessed
After hours in the ER being in severe pain and not being allowed anything, because I drove myself, I was released. I have bronchitis, a UTI and a uterine fibroid. WOW! When I got home Paul had just woken up and didnt see my note. I surprisingly wasnt sleepy more exhausted but I decided to do what any sane person would do in that much pain...I went to the gym for spin class.
Well the pain got the best of me and 30 mins in I needed to get out of there. I headed to the pharmacy to fill the Rx I got. By this time I was barely standing and starting to get irritable. That could have been though because a woman backed her car into me almost hitting me. Seriously she was about an inch from my ribs. She wouldnt stop! Ugh! I got the meds and a peach and went home.
I needed sleep. So I took the pills laid down and tried to sleep. It was useless. 5 kids, a husband and therapists all coming in there was no sleep for me. I got up and started going through the adoption papers. I got everything in order and got them ready for Gladney. We got in the car and headed to Gladney. Everything was great. The papers were getting dropped off, pictures were getting dropped off and we were headed to vacation Friday morning.
I got to Gladney and got to talk to our friend and CW Holly. We had brought her some of our homemade pumpkin butter. I gave her the CDs she gave me a book we talked and laughed and then it was off to see Nancy our friend before heading to church. Got everyone in the car still laughing and feeling good and it wouldnt work.
If you are new to the adoption scene this may surprise you. Those of you who have been there done that know the car is the first thing satan hits when you start an adoption.
The car dealer was of no help and just got us angry. We found through our friend Nancy a place called Christian Brothers. Even though the warrenty would cover the cost taking it to the dealer we chose to take it there. Praying it was the right choice.
Our vacation may have to be canceled. I am so upset. I was really looking forward to it. We as a family really needed that time. I am exhausted and beaten up. Satan thought he would mess with us, it was more than obvious. I went to the bathroom stood my ground and said "satan we will continue on this journey. Breaking our car will not make us stop following God's will in our life. Not going on vacation will not stop us from adopting a child. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! I took a deep breath and I walked out. I meant every word too. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away and still I say blessed be the name of the Lord.
Praying it all works out.
Be blessed
Monday, October 24, 2011
Documents n Dreams
Well we are getting our documents ready. I am going to try to go to the dmv tomorrow or wednesday and get my drivers license. Then I can have the background checks and fbi clearances started.
Our dear friend Nancy has her recommendation almost ready to send to Gladney and then I sent the paper to my foster mom so she could do it too. We have to have a pastor and employer too so I told Paul to have those submitted.
That still is only 4 and we need 5. Kinda hard when we are not telling people. I dont know who I can ask. Wait it came to me, I will go ask her then hopefully have our 5.
Great now we have our 5!
The other night I had the privilege of going to the airport to photograph a family bringing their daughter from Pskov home. She has DS. This is their 5th child, 2nd child with DS. It was amazing. Really cant describe it. It was inspiring watching and seeing what freedom and redemption looks like. It made me long for the day our child will be here. We are so excited! The kids (which we still have not told) want a brother and a sister with DS. lol. Paul says no no, not two! lol I dont think it the DS but more of the number 2 that was off putting to him.
Speaking of 2 and Paul. He had a weird dream the other night. He told me I went to the "kid farm" (so nice) and brought home two, a girl and a boy with ds. His first reaction was where are we going to fit them in our truck? Ok let me move Sarie here...lol. I told him maybe we should bring home two, he said NO! Lol. Maybe his dream is trying to tell him something, he says " Yeah its telling me not to eat that late, lol!"
Anyways I have to go pack. We are heading out for 10 glorious days!
Be blessed
Our dear friend Nancy has her recommendation almost ready to send to Gladney and then I sent the paper to my foster mom so she could do it too. We have to have a pastor and employer too so I told Paul to have those submitted.
That still is only 4 and we need 5. Kinda hard when we are not telling people. I dont know who I can ask. Wait it came to me, I will go ask her then hopefully have our 5.
Great now we have our 5!
The other night I had the privilege of going to the airport to photograph a family bringing their daughter from Pskov home. She has DS. This is their 5th child, 2nd child with DS. It was amazing. Really cant describe it. It was inspiring watching and seeing what freedom and redemption looks like. It made me long for the day our child will be here. We are so excited! The kids (which we still have not told) want a brother and a sister with DS. lol. Paul says no no, not two! lol I dont think it the DS but more of the number 2 that was off putting to him.
Speaking of 2 and Paul. He had a weird dream the other night. He told me I went to the "kid farm" (so nice) and brought home two, a girl and a boy with ds. His first reaction was where are we going to fit them in our truck? Ok let me move Sarie here...lol. I told him maybe we should bring home two, he said NO! Lol. Maybe his dream is trying to tell him something, he says " Yeah its telling me not to eat that late, lol!"
Anyways I have to go pack. We are heading out for 10 glorious days!
Be blessed
Thursday, October 20, 2011
References
Well I had to tell a few people about the adoption in order to get our references filled out. I started thinking about the homestudy. I hope that this time I wont be as neurotic but I am sure I will be. What I was thinking about was the interview with the kids.
We havent told them yet. I really dont want to tell them either. I would rather wait until the last possible minute. Only because I really dont want to get their hopes up. I may call Gladney and ask them what we should do.
Anyways the paperwork is getting filled out. We hope to get our physicals next week. I am hoping to get the diningroom table built before the homestudy and maybe some more furniture.
All in all it is progressing but we are still keeping it quiet. I am still very excited. I feel less urgency now that we are in the process. So when it happens it happens I am in no rush.
I do still continue to have the dreams. The one night I actually saw like a school picture of the cutest little boy with DS. He had brown hair and was older. I dont remember anything but that about the dream. Maybe he is our child? Who knows. I guess we will all just have to wait and see.
Be blessed
We havent told them yet. I really dont want to tell them either. I would rather wait until the last possible minute. Only because I really dont want to get their hopes up. I may call Gladney and ask them what we should do.
Anyways the paperwork is getting filled out. We hope to get our physicals next week. I am hoping to get the diningroom table built before the homestudy and maybe some more furniture.
All in all it is progressing but we are still keeping it quiet. I am still very excited. I feel less urgency now that we are in the process. So when it happens it happens I am in no rush.
I do still continue to have the dreams. The one night I actually saw like a school picture of the cutest little boy with DS. He had brown hair and was older. I dont remember anything but that about the dream. Maybe he is our child? Who knows. I guess we will all just have to wait and see.
Be blessed
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Adoption Dreams
You know when you get pregnant and you start having those crazy and vivid dreams. Well thats happening to me already. I cant really remember all of them. The one I can I dont really want to say out loud. But every night a different vivid dream. I cant remember before this the last time I dreamed.
Be blessed
Be blessed
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I am that crazy woman!
Last night I headed to the gym to exercise with a friend. I got there a little before she did, got some towels, then hopped on the elliptical. Next thing I see is a beautiful little girl with DS strutting in like she owned the place! I started grinning ear to ear. She was beautiful. Her mom and sister walked behind her and I tried to get their attention. I was smiling and looking at her as they walked past. Then I thought, if they see me now they will probably think I am creepy.
So they walk back to the back of the gym to where the older kids play while us moms and dads workout. I saw them back there, jumped off my elliptical and ran to catch up with them. Yup thats right folks, I got a bit crazy and had to talk to them.
I ran up to them and with a lump in my throat and almost tears in my eyes(I was so scared) I blurted out "YOUR DAUGHTER HAS DS!" Yeah, not my finest moment. It was either that or stand there speechless. She must not have heard me because she looked at me confused and said what?? In that moment I thought, "Crap! I was mistaken." I repeated myself in a different way and we started talking.
I told her we were in the adoption process for a boy with DS. We were talking and I mentioned the Ukraine or Bulgaria or Russia and the mental institution and she started crying. Im so tactful, sigh. It was at the time I had her in tears when my friend showed up. She had this look on her face like whats up. Then when the woman told her I had her crying after I said she has a daughter with DS, well..then my friend got this look of horror on her face like "OMG what have you done!"
It turned out ok though. Long story short my friend needed a bilingual mentor at the hospital she works at and this mom would be perfect! We all exchanged numbers and tomorrow night my gals have a playdate at the gym with her daughter. Im so excited! I hope this develops into a beautiful friendship.
Be blessed
So they walk back to the back of the gym to where the older kids play while us moms and dads workout. I saw them back there, jumped off my elliptical and ran to catch up with them. Yup thats right folks, I got a bit crazy and had to talk to them.
I ran up to them and with a lump in my throat and almost tears in my eyes(I was so scared) I blurted out "YOUR DAUGHTER HAS DS!" Yeah, not my finest moment. It was either that or stand there speechless. She must not have heard me because she looked at me confused and said what?? In that moment I thought, "Crap! I was mistaken." I repeated myself in a different way and we started talking.
I told her we were in the adoption process for a boy with DS. We were talking and I mentioned the Ukraine or Bulgaria or Russia and the mental institution and she started crying. Im so tactful, sigh. It was at the time I had her in tears when my friend showed up. She had this look on her face like whats up. Then when the woman told her I had her crying after I said she has a daughter with DS, well..then my friend got this look of horror on her face like "OMG what have you done!"
It turned out ok though. Long story short my friend needed a bilingual mentor at the hospital she works at and this mom would be perfect! We all exchanged numbers and tomorrow night my gals have a playdate at the gym with her daughter. Im so excited! I hope this develops into a beautiful friendship.
Be blessed
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Best Husband Ever!
Last night after I came home from the gym Paul was excited to tell me all he learned. I never expected what I heard. He told me all about the history of Down Syndrome. Who came up with it, why it was that name, what the other name for it was. He is a very excited papa. I cant wait until our lives are forever blessed with a child perfectly enhanced with that extra chromosome.
Be blessed
Be blessed
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Got our Documents
Well today I had to run to Gladney for a meeting. I was speaking there for a few minutes on taking pics for birthmoms and APs. It went over really well. I even had a shoot right after with a birthmom and her baby. While there our caseworker delivered our papers. YAY! Feels real now.
While I was there I was talking to the lady in charge of the program we will be going through. She told me that they will do a completely new homestudy because the last wasnt done by them and it will help them get to know is. Usually they dont do the homestudy before the training but since the training isnt until January then they will do this in the meantime. She also told me she wont even begin to look for our child or recommend us until after the training. That was kind of discouraging but our child is out there and I can not rush this process. God will reveal our son to us in His time. I am just praying that isnt 5 years from now!
When I think about it January is only 3 months away. We do the 3 days of training then and it will be better because Paul will have days off he can take and hopefully we can find a sitter by then.
I am starting to get excited and feel like this is really happening. I really believe God was preparing us. By giving me a love for fitness and nutrition I can make sure that I learn about diets for kids with down syndrome so I can make sure he is getting the best for his body. Anyways. I dont know what is to come but I am excited for it. I pray this is our last Christmas as a family missing a member. Next year I am praying we will have our 6 children and a 12 foot tree. What a beautiful picture in my head 6 little ones under the tree in matching jammies. Its also a silent picture in my head too :)
Be blessed
While I was there I was talking to the lady in charge of the program we will be going through. She told me that they will do a completely new homestudy because the last wasnt done by them and it will help them get to know is. Usually they dont do the homestudy before the training but since the training isnt until January then they will do this in the meantime. She also told me she wont even begin to look for our child or recommend us until after the training. That was kind of discouraging but our child is out there and I can not rush this process. God will reveal our son to us in His time. I am just praying that isnt 5 years from now!
When I think about it January is only 3 months away. We do the 3 days of training then and it will be better because Paul will have days off he can take and hopefully we can find a sitter by then.
I am starting to get excited and feel like this is really happening. I really believe God was preparing us. By giving me a love for fitness and nutrition I can make sure that I learn about diets for kids with down syndrome so I can make sure he is getting the best for his body. Anyways. I dont know what is to come but I am excited for it. I pray this is our last Christmas as a family missing a member. Next year I am praying we will have our 6 children and a 12 foot tree. What a beautiful picture in my head 6 little ones under the tree in matching jammies. Its also a silent picture in my head too :)
Be blessed
Monday, October 3, 2011
Doubts so early
Sundays are crap days. did you ever notice that maybe you are irritable on Sundays, more than other days of the week? Or maybe you say things you cant believe you said or have a spirit on you that is just ugly. For some of us that can be a daily thing but for others we feel it most on Sundays. Why do you think that is? I believe it is because satan (no I will never capitalize his name) doesnt want us in church so he fights with all he has which frankly isnt much.
For me yesterday was a crap day. Full of my own sin and inflicting pain on others. When I got to church I sat in the car for awhile not wanting to go in. God had to give me a push. When I walked in I found my friend and we started talking. I was honest with her in how crappy I felt. She said that her and her husband have a pact. They dont hold the other accountable for anything said on Sundays. LOL. Thats all I needed to hear and felt so much better. A good laugh is great to get you outta a bad mood. Big THANKS to my friend Kathy for that.
During church I was doing my usual watching the kids with DS worship. I cant help it, I am drawn to the way they worship. So freely, so beautifully, so obviously for God and no one else. While watching them I started to hear things in my head. "You cant do it ya know. You cant adopt again." "You cant even take care of the ones you have and you want more!" "You failed big time this morning you really think a child deserves to be in that kind of environment?!" It didnt let up. During worship I tried to worship. I sang the songs but in my head a battle was raging. I heard how lazy a mother I was, how awful a person I was, I heard so many things I began to block the day out already to protect myself.
I doubted that I could really be worthy of having another child especially one with down syndrome. I kept thinking how hard this already is wanting a child and what if God says no? What if this desire in my heart is all mine and God says "No you will never have anymore children?" These doubts and things are very real to me. I worry that we will get all the way through a process and at the end the child will be given to someone else. Thats not far fetched if you have been around for our first adoption.
I just dont know what this journey will bring or how long it will take us. We do both feel like we are to be here and not in the Ukraine or Russia. Its funny though because we meet every qualification this time to adopt over there. Here we have found nothing as far as children with down syndrome available for adoption. The training is only 2x a year and we dont have the time off work for it or someone to watch the kids. I dont think this will be easy, but God willing we will have our child.
Be blessed
Ashlee
For me yesterday was a crap day. Full of my own sin and inflicting pain on others. When I got to church I sat in the car for awhile not wanting to go in. God had to give me a push. When I walked in I found my friend and we started talking. I was honest with her in how crappy I felt. She said that her and her husband have a pact. They dont hold the other accountable for anything said on Sundays. LOL. Thats all I needed to hear and felt so much better. A good laugh is great to get you outta a bad mood. Big THANKS to my friend Kathy for that.
During church I was doing my usual watching the kids with DS worship. I cant help it, I am drawn to the way they worship. So freely, so beautifully, so obviously for God and no one else. While watching them I started to hear things in my head. "You cant do it ya know. You cant adopt again." "You cant even take care of the ones you have and you want more!" "You failed big time this morning you really think a child deserves to be in that kind of environment?!" It didnt let up. During worship I tried to worship. I sang the songs but in my head a battle was raging. I heard how lazy a mother I was, how awful a person I was, I heard so many things I began to block the day out already to protect myself.
I doubted that I could really be worthy of having another child especially one with down syndrome. I kept thinking how hard this already is wanting a child and what if God says no? What if this desire in my heart is all mine and God says "No you will never have anymore children?" These doubts and things are very real to me. I worry that we will get all the way through a process and at the end the child will be given to someone else. Thats not far fetched if you have been around for our first adoption.
I just dont know what this journey will bring or how long it will take us. We do both feel like we are to be here and not in the Ukraine or Russia. Its funny though because we meet every qualification this time to adopt over there. Here we have found nothing as far as children with down syndrome available for adoption. The training is only 2x a year and we dont have the time off work for it or someone to watch the kids. I dont think this will be easy, but God willing we will have our child.
Be blessed
Ashlee
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Another New Journey is Beginning
I am so excited to finally announce that Paul and I are both ready and are currently working toward adopting our 6th child. We are hoping that God will show us who our child is. We are praying for a boy ages 2-5 with down syndrome.
We will be going through Texas Foster Care System working with Gladney to hopefully find our son. This may be a long journey so we have not told the children.
Please join us in praying that God's will be done in this situation. I can't wait to see where this journey leads.
Be blessed
ashlee
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