A boy and his mama

I was walking through the streets of Sofia when I saw a boy in an oversized stroller who I just knew was rocking that extra chromosome. His mama was sitting behind him and he had a box on his lap for money. 

I gave them some leve and then showed them the picture of my son with Down syndrome. She said her son was 20 and ask how old mine was. I spoke to the boy and shook his very dirty, cold, little hand. His mama said something and was touching her lips and gesturing to the heavens. You don't have to speak the same language to understand a mothers heart. I hugged her and stroked his tiny face. God meet every need they have. Clothe them, feed them, keep them warm. Show them your love and help them hang on. Amen.

What she is doing is nothing short of heroic in a country that offers no support to parents with special needs children. Imagine what it was like 20 years ago? It must have really been unheard of then. She is courageous. She looked at her son and found beauty and worth. She bucked the system and refused to leave him alone to die in a dark orphanage. 

I hugged her tight mother to mother and held on a little longer. I told her God bless you. I caressed the boy's hair and looked at him smiling back at me. Tears filled my eyes as I was overcome with emotion. 

I walked away changed.

Be blessed

The day I walked into a mental institution

It took forever to get there. We got lost several times and had to ask for directions. There were cows in middle of the road, got as and sheep too. I definitely wasn't in cozy America any longer. 

The institute looked clean and nice from the outside. That surprised me. Abandoned children starving to death is so ugly I expected the building to reflect that. The director was pleasant. The staff was nice. The place was clean. I had free access to the children and the whole place. Everything I ask was granted. 

When I was at Pleven I was not allowed to see anyone or anything. It was quiet. Secretive. I had heard horror stories and saw some old pictures but when I was there I didn't see anyone. So imagine my surprise to walk into a room and see grown children looking like walking skeletons. Little ones in cribs or chairs. So many children. It took my breath away. This wasn't a movie I was watching. This wasn't a picture I was seeing. I was really here in the middle of this. I was seeing this first hand. I could reach out and touch these kids. So I did.

I hugged anyone who would let me. I kissed tiny hands. I spoke bulgarian to them asking their names and how they were. All of them replied they were good or fine. Being accustomed to a certain lifestyle I don't know that I would have had the same response being in their situation. One girl who was at least 18 stood about 3 feet from me. She would look at me talking to the others and smile. She wanted to approach me but didn't dare. I walked over to her and hugged her. I didn't have anything else to give. You would have thought I gave her the moon. She hugged me tightly and grinned from ear to ear.  I would talk to others and then come back and hug her. 

My camera seemed to get me into their world. They were very intrigued by it. So I would take their picture and show them. While I was up there I wasn't thinking about photography, lighting, how I looked, Facebook, blogs, how much money I had or anything. I was fully present with these children. I made silly faces at them, hugged them, kissed them, stuck out my tongue. I taught a little boy to blow raspberries and stick his tongue out. I was completely happy. Filled. I had just had church. No church you could ever get sitting in a pew singing and dancing. My Papa was in that room more than anywhere else I had been. 

I did think about Heaven while I was there. I knew that most likely that would be the next time I saw them. I felt for the first time really that this world truly had nothing for me. I am ready. Jesus come quickly. Why should children suffer like this while I am living a comfy life complaining about the Internet being too slow on my phone? Now I'm not saying I'm dying don't misunderstand. I know Jesus is coming back. I have a blessed assurance. I'm ready now. These children should not have to suffer. 

Be blessed

Bulgaria

Wow. I never would have thought I would  ever get the chance to go to Bulgaria, let alone three times in one year. It will be a year to the day that I met my boys that my friend and I will walk into another orphanage and bring her son out. Forever. 

God is so good.

Right now we are on a plane heading from Dallas, Texas to Washington DC. The plane is tiny and cramped but we don't mind. It's so quiet. I haven't heard quiet like this in a long time. My little ones were sad to see me go, but is know they will be well taken care of. Noah cried a little after I left. He has never done that before. Maybe he is old enough now to miss me when I go. Makes my heart a little happy that he cares. The girls who normally cry cried again. Does it ever get easier? Micah and Judah were acting strange. They were distant. Micah was pleasant but distant and Judah was cold and sad. Misha I don't think understood. Paul's mom will be landing in Dallas soon and I know they will all have a good visit. I can't believe how amazing my husband is for allowing me this opportunity. 

Although I feel guilty and I miss them so much I still believe some time away is a good thing. They get a break from me and can do things we don't get to do. I can get a break from them and all the medical, doctors, insurance, etc and come home refreshed. 

Well we will be landing in DC in just a few minutes so I better end this. For those of you who follow my flat Stanley blog I will be updating the adventures of Flat Munda (from Hong Kong) there. He decided to come with us. 

Be blessed

In DC just ate at potbelly. Oh my yum!

Six Flags Adventure

We were blessed to be given 10 free tickets to Six Flags. It was such a huge blessing because 1- we could never afford to take all the kids and 2- our older kids really wanted to go. It's nice to be able to have a fun outing with the whole family but have it somewhere the older kids want to go. They have had to sacrifice since we decided to bring 4 special needs boys into our home.the girl have never complained about having their brothers. They never get upset or get jealous. They have adapted their lives a round their brothers and love them. I could not be any prouder.

Cherry, my 9 year old wanted to go on all the really crazy rides that scare the crap out of me. I managed to talk her out of the swings that are higher than the superman ride and superman is 30 stories. But! She did end up riding the superman. I wanted so much to stop her but I also wanted her to know that it wasn't me being mean in telling her she shouldn't do it. After she rode, with her dad, she said it was a little scarier than she thought it would be but she liked it. 

Trin wanted to ride a few rides with her siblings which I loved. She rode a small roller coaster with Micah and had a blast. She didn't seem to want to ride the super high rides or anything. I think she had a great day because everything she wanted to ride she did.

Sarie is a dare devil! She wanted to do everything dangerous. Lol. She wanted to ride the Superman, high swings, big roller coasters. I kept her at bay by telling her she was too short. She rode all the little kid rides and then the medium size swings. Also a small coaster. She had a blast! I can't tell you how happy I was to see her so happy. 

AJ had a blast too! She rode all the little kids rides and she kept saying she wanted to go back the next day. Lol. She loved every ride. I kept hearing all day "when I get bigger or turn 6 I want to ride that..and that...and that." 

Micah was all smiles all day. He rode so much, roller coaster, train, swings, tea cup things, everything. He had a fantastic time. We had no behavior issues or anything. It was perfect!

Noah rode several rides. He was nervous but liked all of them. I think the favorite was the train. I loved his expression and excitements on all the rides. He seems to be a thrill junky anyway.

Judah had a blank stare all day. No emotion what so ever. But, he did ride. He rode the small rides, the baby pitfall or baby superman, little swings, hot air ballon that spins and goes up in the air, tea cups. He rode a ton. 

Misha, he liked the swings and rode them twice. He did not like the baby superman. He enjoyed the train. Everyone did. He enjoyed just hanging out in his stroller. He was completely content.

It was a great day. I had more fun than I thought I would and I wasn't stressed at all. Our days have been full of hospitals and therapists. Our weekends were mainly recouping from the week. This was amazing to go and just have a blast and not worry that the money would be taking away from the boys medical or prescriptions but it was all paid for. We just feel so blessed.

Thank you Trisha and family for giving our family a carefree day out. You blessed us more than you know.

Be blessed

Six months home (a little late)

Has it really been six months? I feel like they have always been here. 

In keeping it real things right now are difficult. Made even more difficult by having to deal with a lying, thieving insurance company every single day.  The boys can't continue their much needed therapy due to insurance issues and we are trying to get other insurance but that is going to take awhile. 

Judah is back to not listening, not engaging, not wanting to be here, being defiant. It's hard. Selective mutism is hard too. If he would talk to us we could help but he refuses all forms of communication, verbal, sign language, cards, choices etc.  we found a game not he iPad that he enjoys. Every morning I give him his meds and vit d, vit b, calcium carbonate, espresso and his formula.  

Some really great news is that recently Judah has been taking some unassisted steps. He has been cleared from hematology with no bleeding disorders. The cause of the bruising is still unknown but there could be many different factors. Judah pees on the potty every night before bed and is now not waking up drenched in urine. 

Misha is sick all the time. His spirits are good but the kid seriously can't catch a break. He has fevers several times a month every month. All but one has been without any cause. One was because of a UTI.  We just have to ride it out. I wish there was more we could do. Right now he has just gotten over the fever and is having some nasty nasal drainage. He just had another appointment with his endo and we found out her is growing like a weed height wise. He still needs to put on more weight but he grew one inch in a month and one pound as well. He is now 24.9 lbs (fully dressed) and 33 inches. They have upped his growth hormone a tiny bit and soon we will start testosterone. He is still happy almost all of the time but has cried a few times which is appropriate, so we are very grateful about that.

Soon I will head back over to Bulgaria to help a friend bring her child home. I am so honored to have this opportunity and it comes at a great time. I really need a break. It's been me and the kids 24/7 for 6 months. I am never apart from them and if I am it's for an hour or two at most. I think this is a great opportunity for us to get a break from each other and come back more bonded to one another. We will see.

Be blessed

Happy 2014

We had a very blessed new year. Busy and blessed. 

Found an amazing church family.

We added 2 new children to our home.

Busted them out of their prison, I mean orphanage.

Got a dog. 

Dog died. 

Got cats. 

Thought we hated cats but now we all love them.

Got a van. 

Van died. 

Got a new house. 

House is everything I prayed for and more. 

I traveled overseas 2x last year!!

Trinity got to go to Germany, Bulgaria and Chiago.

Got a new van. 

More than I could have hoped or prayed for.

Prayed for a Spirit filled therapist (OT,pt, st) for the boys and God answered my prayer. 

Found wonderful people who at times have helped us take care of our kids.

Made lots of furniture to fill our house.

Friends came out of the woodwork to help financially, emotionally, spiritually help us and take care of us and love on us. We can never repay them.

Visits from young old friends :)

Made new friends. 

It was the first year the girls all stayed up to watch the ball drop.

God is so good.

What is in store for us in 2014? I have no clue but I bet it's great. In just a couple weeks I will head back to Bulgaria. This time to help a friend bring her son home. I am super excited to have this opportunity. I feel so blessed. I'm grateful for everyone who has helped make this happen.

I'm praying that the insurance will stop being jerks and all the insurance issues that are prematurely aging me.

I'm praying for health and healing in 2014.

I'm praying for provision. I know God will provide. I trust Him.

I'm ready for 2014.....as ready as I will ever be, not that I have a choice. It's here whether I am ready or not.

Be blessed