God didn't say natural children are a blessing He said children are a blessing. How they got in my quiver doesn't matter because they are all my arrows.
So instead of all the memories and fun we had planned our dog died, the tire blew out on the van and the spare had no air then the van broke down. Today sucked.
I've cried all day since Toby died. We will surely miss that dog. The kids loved him and he loved the kids. He let Noah ride him. Toby loved going up the kids slide and sliding down. He loved to stay at the top and block the kids from going down. He loved to play with them ands herd them. When we would walk and some of the kids got too far ahead he would whimper because he didn't know whether to run ahead and get them or stay behind with the others. He loved the trampoline and sprinklers. He loved his couch and had one all to himself. He was huge. If someone sat on his couch he would sit on their lap. He loved to be where we were. He slept in Cherrys room at the new house and at the old house he slept in our room, sometimes in bed with us until Paul came in and realized Toby took up most of the bed and I took up what was left. Lol Toby was a great dog. Such a good dog!
I will try to make this week fun but I really just want to stay in bed all week and wake up in last week. Instead of a nice clean cabin in the snowy woods playing with my family I will be burying my dog and cleaning the house and catching up on laundry. I also need to buy thanksgiving dinner and get groceries in this house.
Micah, Misha and Judah are going to be going on their first big road trip. Well you know other than Misha and Judah's trek half way around the world to come home. :)
Saturday we will be headed to Pa for a week of family time and relaxation. No therapies! No doctor appointments! What will that be like? Oh I absolutely can't wait! Lots of exclamations I know but this is huge! We haven't had this since before the boys came home and even before that because Micah has therapy too.
We don't want this to be a vacation where we run for the entire time we are gone and come home exhausted. We want to see family and friends but want to stay at the cabin and have our friends come to us, preferably with Starbucks, lol, just kidding. We really need to just hang out, all of us together at the same time. Here it's me running and a sitter watching some of the kids and Paul at work. Then Paul running with some of the kids and me at home with the rest or me at home with 5 hours of therapy with all the kids not getting anything done because of therapy. I want to hang out, play, do whatever we want whenever we want. I want to paint little girls nails and play football with little boys. I want to play board games, shoot my now and laugh!
I spent the bulk of today packing 8 children's clothes in between therapy that was here from 9-2 today. I have a sore throat so after I got the kids to nap I laid down. For about 30 seconds before one of them needed me for something. I guzzled down some umcka (awesome natural med) put some ear phones in and laid down.
Tomorrow I pack my clothes and then all our bath stuff. Then we set out on the road trip. A 28 hour trip. A cabin in the woods. A week together as a family. Thanksgiving. So super excited!!!
Please pray for us. The boys are usually excellent travelers but Micah is having some behaviors already, I think he fears we are going to leave him. Also I am sure. Misha and Judah will be very confused and understandably upset with new surroundings. Pray for peace and please pray for a stress free healthy happy vacation.
Thanks
Be blessed
Also today we made brownies. Judah loves brownie batter, lol.
I have found Judahs love language, coffee and m&m minis :) I can't even begin to tell you how great and how different Judah has been lately.
In the morning when he wakes up I give him coffee and peptiman jr mixed over ice. The results have been nothing short of miraculous. He is social, smiling all day, he plays both by himself and with others. He is doing so well! I can't even describe the changes he has made. It is amazing.
Judah started opening his mouth and making sounds!! I can't even believe it. It's awesome. He can not form any words yet but just using his voice is huge. When he did it he immediately put his hands up in front of his face like to protect himself from being hit. Hmmm. How did the orphanage keep those kids quiet? We praise every noise he makes. It was funny watching him make noise. He acted like a person who is deaf and hears for the first time. It was just beautiful to see.
He and I have gotten closer too. It's amazing what dirty looks can do. He use to give me such hateful looks. I didn't want anything to do with him. I would take care of him but not really go near him or love on him. I never held him. I never played with him or interacted with him. He hated me, at least that's what I thought because of his non verbal cues.
The coffee changed that. I hold him. I play with him. I talk to him. I love on him. I give kisses to him. He smiles a lot. Almost all day. It's wonderful. I started playing a game with him where I would throw m&m minis into his mouth. He would laugh so hard when I missed his mouth, which was quite often as I apparently have horrible aim. Lol. We are both learning and growing. It's not easy to parent a child who has had such horrific trauma. God is there to meet me in the thick of it and help me find a way to reach my boy. I could not do this without God.
Some days I wonder what ever possessed me to choose this life. Adoption. Special Needs. Large family.
Sometimes those days seem to run consecutively so long I feel like I may never find calm again.
Some days I pray for rapture every second of that day. Other days I only pray for rapture every hour ;)
Some days I lay in bed begging for night to come back. Night or life 15 years ago.
Some days all I eat all day is coffee and chocolate. I have a lot of those days it seems.
But then there are those other days. Those rare gems. The days that make it all worth it. Days that restore my faith in humanity. Days that give me the will to go another day. Days that fill me so full of joy and peace that I want to sing and dance through target :) And even rarer are weeks that feel this way.
This week is one of those amazing WOW weeks.
Judah spoke!!
At first it was just a sound with his mouth shut which was so shocking that we all stopped and stared. "What does the kitty day? Meow. You try Judah"
With his mouth closed he hummed "meow."
Wow!
Then later that night I decided to hold him and try to get him to open his mouth. I don't even really know what happened but he was opening his mouth making sounds!! It was the most amazing thing.
I prayed it wasn't a fluke. The next morning I woke up and got him up. He wasn't talking. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. I made him some coffee and then he started making sounds. All day he made sounds. We praised him over and over. You could tell he never spoke before because of his reaction to hearing himself. He also did this protective motion after each sound. His arms went up to protect his face like he was going to get smacked in the face. I can only gather that he was smacked for making noise or saw others who were.
By the end of the night he was dancing and making silly faces and sounds. He's hilarious and has such a personality.
This morning Paul was getting ready for work and heard Judah making noises. He went in and changed him and talked to him. Making sure he knew it was ok to make noises. This was before coffee so I am hoping now that he knows he won't get hurt he will continue.
I was reading a bit and gathering info from other parents about coffee and kids like Judah. Coffee I was told is a frontal lobe stimulant. I believe that this gave him the courage to make a sound. He seems very very happy after drinking coffee. I may switch to tea because coffee can suck the calcium out of bones and his bones are really bad (will put that in another blog). White tea (tea with milk) I heard can reduce fractures by 15% or more. So I may do that. Plus it may help him not hold his urine.
Well enough talking lets get some videos up here!!
Today is orphan Sunday. I could list a bunch of famous quotes and statistics but would it do any good? We've all heard them before.
What can I say that could change hearts, help orphans find families, convict hearts to give to widows, orphans and fatherless? Nothing. There is nothing I can do. Only God can change hearts, set the lonely in families and set the captive free. So today I will pray. And I ask y'all to pray too.
Lord, thank you for loving us. Thank you for loving us when we are unlovable. Thank you for loving us when we disobey. Thank you for opening our eyes to the plight of the orphan. I pray Lord that every child would know the love of a family. I pray that you would convict hearts of those who need convicting and they would boldly step out in faith to help the orphans, widows and fatherless. Forgive us for not doing more. I pray you would open Your church's eyes and ears and we would stand up for the orphans, that we would be a voice to the fatherless. Use us Lord. Use me Lord. I pray every adoption would be paid for and money would not keep families apart. Heal every hurt child and let them accept the love of a family. Thank you for being our Papa. In Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen.
Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to pick u two prescriptions. One was for Micah and one for Judah. I looked at the RX and they were both for the same medicine, yet one was 35.00 and one was free. I remarked that they were exactly the same medicine yet the reason one cost was because we adopted him internationally as opposed to the one that was free we adopted him from foster care.
When you adopt from foster care your child gets Medicaid and your medical expenses should be paid for. This is to help ease the burden and to encourage adoption from foster care.
The woman behind the counter said her and her husband want to foster or adopt after they are more financially secure. We talked for a little while, probably annoying the people in line behind me, and I told her about our adoptions.
Then she said something I have never heard from a stranger before. She said, "I'm so proud of you."
I have to admit it took me and my oldest daughter completely by surprise. We are use to hearing "you must be crazy." Or ,"you are seriously crazy." But never, "I'm so proud of you."
It made my day.
I thanked her and Trinity and I left there a little happier than when we got there.
This month is very dear to me. Without adoption I would not have half of my children. I would not know the joys of being a mom to boys. I wouldn't have half of my friends in my life that I met only through adoption. I wouldn't have extended family, my son's birthmom and her family. Sure, I wouldn't have 4 in diapers and I would not know the heartache of new diagnosis'. I wouldn't spend 4 days a week at doctors, specialists or hospital appointments. I would not know how uncomfortable it can be to sleep at a hospital. I wouldn't know how to change a gtube or feed a child via gtube. I wouldn't know what PT, OT, NT, ST, DI, ODD, RAD, Pan Hypo PIT, T8P stand for. I wouldn't be well versed in hospital lingo or genetics. I would have money :)
There is a lot I would and would not have if Paul and I had taken a different route. Some days if I am honest I do think about what it would be like. Adoption is hard. Life is hard. Life with a large family is hard. Homeschooling is hard. Life with special needs is hard.
But life is also lovely.
I know what it is like to be handed a child to take home that didnt come from my womb. I know what it's like to be given a gift that I can never repay. I know what it is like to see a child overcome their past and push through to a future. I get to see children grow and change and get healthier simply from love and proper nutrition. I get to see first smiles, even when they don't come for 11 years. I get to hear first words even when they aren't spoken for 5 or 6 years. I get to see a child taste food for the first time even if it doesn't happen until they are 18 months old and only after a year of feeding therapy. I get to see gtubes come out, children get healed, life breathed into their dry bones. I get to see kids have a birthday party for the first time ever at 7 years old.
Every day may seem hard and I may want to stay in bed all day because I'm just too dang tired to do one more doctors appointment. But the reward is great. I may not see it now. I may not see it this side of Heaven. But the reward is great. On days when I am up to my eyes in poop, pee, vomit and meds, the reward is great.
Thank you God for my children. For the birth moms that chose life and then chose to give me their child. Thank you for change in directors that allowed my children to have a chance at life.thank you for all the people involved in adoption and all theropod who worked so tirelessly to bring my children home to me. Bless each and every one of them. In Jesus name Amen.
