3rd visit

3rd visit

Today was my 3 rd visit with my children. It was different. Misha is clearly very loved and well known. For that I am so grateful. I believe had he not been so loved, had God not softened their hearts to him, he would no tube alive. He is very small, add to that abuse, neglect and starvation and it would not be here. At the same time I am so happy for Misha I hurt for Judah. It was obviously not the same for him. I have yet to meet his baba, clearly he was neglected and unloved for far too long. My heart hurts that the same love that was shown to Misha could not be shown to every child in Pleven.

Now about the visit. When I first got there Misha was out somewhere with his Baba, Judah was in school. Then two men walk in in business suits. I was told they were UNICEF and they were going to evaluate Misha. They stayed 2 minutes. Then Misha and the orphanage social worker came in. He was very calm, still waking up or something haha. He came running to me. I sat and held him on my lap for a little while and read him a story. After a bit that clearly wasn't as exciting for him and he got down to run around. The boy has mad skills when it comes to kicking and throwing a ball. We played about 100 different things in about 20 mins. Haha.

He is a mover and a shaker. I also noticed he enjoys stimulation. He wants to be up, thrown up in the air or swung around or flip him down and back up over and over again. When it had been awhile since I tossed him up and played like that he rocked on the floor. I picked him up and threw him up over and over again. He laughed and smiled. He didn't rock again. Then it was about 100 degrees in that room and I was dying! I ask if we could walk so we did. Misha took my hand and said "baba" that must be the only time he goes outside, with his baba. I got him all dressed and he was excited. We walked all around. It was nice, peaceful and cold! Not too cold but just right since the room we are in is so hot. While we were out there he looked up at me and said mama! I could hardly believe it so I chose not to believe it haha.

After we came back in Judah arrived back from school. He immediately wanted to go into the crib in the room, so they put him in there. He had his plastic ring things I bought him and went to work placing them all over the crib. I just watched. I talked to him and showed him something on the iPad. He took the iPad and turned it off and pushed it away. We all laughed! He had never seen it before yesterday! Lol. Smart boy. He still had his mouth clenched tightly shut. At one point I took all his rings down and layer them on a carpet. As soon as I did that he reached for me to take him out of the crib. Finally! I told him this world wasn't that scary that he needed to stay in s bed all the time. I brought a chair over so he could dangle the rings I bought him.

All to soon it was time for Misha to go. His baba came in wearing the necklace I bought her very proudly. She put her hands up to her lips and kissed them. She loved it. She openly offered info on Misha. Yesterday after I left Misha said "mama" 5x that night! He knows I am his mama! Praise The Lord what an answer to prayer! She said when he doesn't want to do something he sits down and has a scowl on his face. She loves him very much. Then she was taking him to eat but he needed his jacket on first. Well he wanted no part of that! He pitched a good ole fit for her. She told him to tell me bye and blow kisses and he did.

Then in walks a CPS caseworker. She was there to talk about Misha and was there with the orphanage case worker and my translator. I got up from Judah but before I did we were playing together with the bands and he looked at me and laughed for a split second and smiled. I started to cry. That is amazing!

Quickly I composed myself. The caseworker ask how many biological kids I have. 4. All healthy? Yes. I have two adopted sons as well. Then she said something and I told the translator that I didn't need that translated it was universal. The oh my gosh you have 6 kids! :) she ask about my house and if we had room. Yes. She ask if I liked Misha? Love him! She ask if I accepted him just as he was? Yup! Was I okay or aware of the medical conditions? Yes ma'am! She had no more questions. She was satisfied. Then while I was playing with Judah unbeknownst to me the CPS caseworker was saying that I should have bought Misha something. I should buy him food. I should buy him things. Our translator was upset. She told her the orphanage doesn't allow us to bring food. The caseworker from the orphanage said I brought him clothes and toys. It did not sit well with my translator, but I am hoping it was ok. When I found out about it I got to my hotel room and broke down and cried. Not so much about that or the caseworker I mean, but its hard being here. It's hard leaving them, dividing my time, being watched by so many people I have their favorite. It is especially hard being cut off from my world due to no Internet. I miss my family. I haven't been able to talk to them on Skype or anything since we got to this hotel. I was able to chat with my husband through email for about 10 mins last night but it wasn't good enough.

Back to the visit. It was now time for Judah to leave me. I kissed his cheek and he held out his other for me to kiss. When I told his caregiver that he smiled and laughed she looked shocked and said "Brava!"

I was told I could not feed them because Misha holds things in his mouth for a long time and Judah refuses food from everyone but a certain few. I ask the translator if we could ask and see if I could bring in approved food and try to feed him. She will ask for me.

When we(other family, translator and I) got back to the hotel and after my little cry we went out and walked around and went out to lunch. I had pizza with corn on it. It was good. I was able to find some thing for the kids. I also bought Judah blocks. The one guy with us suggested it and I think it's a great idea! I can't wait to give them to him. Well I have about a half hour before my visit so I am going to try to post this. I miss everyone so much. I also miss my boys here. I can't imagine going home and waiting another 6 months to come get them. Please God no! Make it March! Mommies don't go away forever! They always come back. I hope they know that. I hope all my children know that.

I feel very isolated here. Not in Bulgaria but in this hotel. I don't have the Internet. My phone doesn't work and I can't see or talk to my family back home. Please pray for me.
Be blessed