Not Ready!

I woke up and it is 4 days until I leave for Bulgaria. I'm not ready! I'm not ready! I panicked!
I don't know if part of me thinks this really won't happen or if part of me is struggling to leave my 6 littles here as I venture off to a different country. Or could it be traveling by myself, taking 4 planes, being in 4 airports, making sure I have my money exchanged, that has me completely freaked.

I'm not ready!

I don't know any Bulgarian and I know I will shake my head the wrong way and offend or confuse people. My clothes and boots don't all fit in my suitcase and I know I will forget something. I'm freaking out here people!

I'm not ready!

What if the kids hate me? What if they won't come near me and scream and cry? What if the people caring for them hate me?

I'm not ready!

I have horrible paper pregnancy hormones raging through my body and I cry just walking from point A to point B. People will think I'm nuts! It's like an ugly cry too, I just know it, I will be in a foreign country in an airport full of pretty people and I will be all red with snot everywhere. I'm not ready.

Can someone do this for me? I want to go I really do, but I guess I just don't want the work. I don't want the labor process. My longest labor was with my oldest child, 19.5 hours. This will be longer and I'm doing it without drugs! Lord, help me!

But really all I need to do is look into my boys faces and I get focused and I know that they are worth it all. They are worth the money, the paperwork, the hassle of a long flight, the fear of the unknown, they are worth it all. They deserve a family and if I have to be uncomfortable, if I have to step out of my comfort zone, if I have to be jet lagged and go on no sleep and be in a foreign land I will, because I love them. I am their mama and I will not leave them as orphans.

If you have a minute please pray for me. Pray for peace in this journey. Pray that I do not miss any of my connections. Pray for the boys. Pray that in there hearts they will know I am their mama and they will find peace with me.

Be blessed