Anxiety

I have a generational curse of anxiety in my family. I am aware of it and I don't accept it into my life or my children's.  You know who else is aware of it? The enemy. So this is his tactic right now as we prepare to go pick up our boys. 

I'm not use to feeling anxious. I pray against it. Today it overtook me. I let it. I'm not proud of that. I just couldn't get a handle on things.  Ever since we got the dates things have been going wrong and I got overwhelmed and had 2 emergency root canals, so adding pain to it made me more anxious.

I ask my Papa to bring the ticket money this week. Admittedly, I didn't have the faith I hoped for while asking.  Today, all day, one verse that I don't even remember ever reading kept popping in my head, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." But I was still anxious. 

The ibuprofen wore off and the mouth pain intensified. I started freaking out to the point of tears. Papa, please, please bring the funds. What if...what are we going to do? We can't get a loan because we don't have debt so our credit score is not high. There is no possible way I can bring the money in. None. That is the way God needed it to be. I know He comes through and always has but still I doubted.

I had enough. I could barely breathe. I texted a very good prayer warrior. I needed backup. She prayed for me. Then...God showed up again. We were told that we were getting a 2200.00 donation! They said it was God's timing and direction. Glory to God. I fell on my face and praised the One who never leaves or forsakes me. The One who ordained adoption, this adoption. A weight was lifted.

He tells me I don't have to carry the burden. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to do it all myself. He tells me He loves me so much He sent His Son to die for me. And that the same Spirit that raised Christ from the grave is in me! That I have the Spirit of Power, Love and a Sound Mind. He is patient with me when I doubt. But Papa, what do I have to do? Because in my world love is conditional. "Nothing my child. I love you." But why? Why me? "Because you are Mine."

It is just that simple He loves because...because I am His. And I love because He loves me. Wow. Beautifully simple love with abandon. 

Thank You Papa.

Be blessed

Ps Look at the ticker---------------------------------------------------->