I wish I were saying this face to face and yet I do not feel like we left anything unspoken. I feel like I had the best relationship with you. I feel honored to have known you and had you in my and my children's lives as long as we did. I miss you.
You had the best sense of humor. As I look back I don't remember ever seeing you without a smile. In fact thinking about it now I can feel your whiskers on my cheek as we kissed hello and goodbye. I can see you as clear as day. Your military haircut, your mustache and unshaven face. I think I have more memories of you than a lot of other relatives. We were close. You were the closest thing to a dad I ever had. In fact you were in the lullabye sang to me all my life. The one I still sing to my kids. "Bye baby bunting Pap Pap's going hunting to catch a little rabbits skin to wrap the baby Ashlee in"
I remember being so comfortable swinging in the backyard at your house. Just content ya know. Not a care in the world. Cart wheels in your yard, running down the hill onto the tarred driveway. I don't think I ever entered your house in any other door but the basement door until I was an adult, married with kids. I remember the door the way it felt to open it, the way it hesitated when it closed. The coolness of the basement, the wooden steps. The cans on the steps filled with your treasures. You know, yours was the only basement I was never afraid of.
I remember never leaving without a handful of change and candy. Remember the pink candies you had on your table? I searched the name of them, found them and ordered them. I am going to get a candy dish and put them on my dining room table. I loved those candies. I can still taste them. Tasted like Pepto Bismol but for some reason I loved em. Haha.
I remember the feel of the brick your house was made of. I remember the glider on your front porch. And the wooden decoration hanging on the side of your door that had a notepad and pencil in it in case you weren't home. If I were at your house now I would write on it "See you again." I know I will.
I remember how you stayed on the porch waving bye as we left and how every single time you would help us out of the driveway because you didn't want us to get the car in the ditch. We never did hit the ditch. Your direction was perfect.
I remember how you always ask when I was younger "how's your boyfriend?" Even when I was too young to have one. Always joking and laughing. Then as I grew up and married you would ask "how's our man? Still working?" You cared. You and I got along great. We never had a fight or went without speaking. I never recall ever seeing you angry. I know when a person does we tend to idealize that person but honestly I only remember joy with you.
I remember the night before my wedding. You were there at rehearsal because I could think of no other man but you to walk me down the isle. You went up to my mother in law and loudly and joyfully called her grandma. She was confused and not amused. Haha. You declared that by this time next year she would be one. She laughed and said no. 2 months later Paul and I conceived our first child. I remember you at my kids birthday parties.
I remember the suits you wore. I remember the Indian neck ties you wore. I remember you in church. I know our favorite hymn was What a friend we have in Jesus. I can only imagine you singing it as you walk side by side with Jesus.
You never seemed your age. You were so active, always doing something. I remember the last time I saw you. I flew home and we went to Norvelt days together. Everyone knew you and you knew everyone. I remember how much everyone loved you. I remember how the old ladies looked at you. You were sincerely loved. I remember the red van you drove. I remember watching you drive away. I'm glad I got to see you then.
I know that while we mourn here for the loss of such an amazing man, you are rejoicing and seeing your family again. Your wives (let me know how that plays out), your mom, dad, brothers and sisters. You will meet my baby, a son, we believe. Tell him all about me and how I was as a child. Tell him your stories and sing him my lullabye. Tell him we will see him one day. Tell him we love him. He is probably with a great man that was our best friend, Bob. He's a good guy and I know you will like him. Tell him about Paul and I and how we have tons of kids and moved to Texas. He will get a kick out of that. Tell him we miss him and love him too.
I'm blessed to have so many wonderful memories of you. I am blessed to have had you as a father figure. I am blessed that my kids knew and were loved by you. I am blessed and honored that you chose to love my son even though he was not flesh of my flesh. You didn't see the difference or make a distinction. You just knew you had a buddy who could play baseball with you. You loved my boy! You loved my husband and I know you loved me. Thank you.
I'm sorry your body failed you. I'm sorry your mind failed you. I'm sorry that people failed you. I won't dwell on that because I know where you are. Today I long for Heaven. I'm jealous you got to spend Father's Day with our Heavenly Father. How magnificent was that!? I'm happy for you, I am.
On your birthday this year I will be flying to pick up our boys. You would have loved them. So when I am up there in the clouds and see the sunrise I will think of you. I miss you. 1-4-3
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