5 years ago

Five years ago the world lost a great guy, but Heaven gained him. Things have been so crazy around here I passed the date without being aware of the significance. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore or that I forgot him. I remember him every time I look at my youngest daughter. I think of him hundreds of times a day. Sitting down, being still, remembering, it hurts. Hurts like the very first day after the accident. The deep pressure in my chest is the same. The foggy vision due to tears is the same. The hurt yeah it's the same five years later. 

I don't let myself remember the details to the accident. They are too horrific and I spent the last five years trying to forget. What I try to remember are the things I loved most about him. It's not hard to remember those things because everything that made me smile in him is in my daughter. God knew how much Paul and I would need her. Five years later I still thank God for bringing me my miracle baby. My saving grace. The reason why I am still hear as well as all of her brothers being here. 

I remember the first time we met. It was the day of his wedding. Well maybe we met before that but I remember that day. His beautiful bride. The love they shared. That was the first time I ever danced with my then boyfriend (now husband). It was magical. Us four were inseparable. I had my first beer at his house, lol. Shhhh.... I grew up with him and his wife. I mean not all my life but you know like I was kid before them and then grew up with them.  He was more than a best friend, no real way to describe our relationship. It wasn't sexual, wasn't dirty, it was love, like agape love. The way we were to love one another. 

He was best man at our wedding. He and his wife trashed or "decorated" or house on our wedding day. She was my maid of honor. We were all so young. He was there when we bought our first house. he was there to help us move in and there to help us fix it up when a ton of water fell from the ceiling next to his wife and I. They were godparents for our first child. Oh how he loved my oldest. I remember them being in the hospital the night she was born. The nurse told them visiting hours were over but he said he wasn't leaving he was the dad too. Haha! Then the night we came home from the hospital he and his wife stayed with us. He clogged up the toilet and we didn't have a plunger. So he and Paul went out to Walmart at midnight for one. They came home with belated valentines day gifts and got the bright idea we would celebrate days after each holiday because everything was cheaper. 

Life happened and we didn't get to spend every day together anymore. We grew up some more and circumstances kept us from seeing each other. When he had his accident I said I'm going to go to the hospital and tell him to be more careful (we thought he cut off a finger or something) and that we loved him and missed him so much. But before I could go the phone rang again. Now, now I have to wait until Heaven to see him again. Somedays like today I long for Heaven. 

I walk to the kitchen to get some coffee and I pass my daughter. She will be 5 soon. He would have loved her. She smiles up at me and my heart may burst. She would have loved him. 

Be grateful